When The Game Changes
by Willowsandbees
Summary: /One-shot. Pre-Water 7 arc Robin ramble. No intentional pairings./Summary: After joining the Strawhats in Alabasta, Nico Robin finds herself gaining new attachments that she had intended to avoid, and it's tearing her apart and fixing her at the same time. When did the game change to the point that she could no longer run away from it all?


She had never planned for this to happen.

Use them for a few months, then toss them aside, assassinate them maybe- yes, that would certainly work, she told herself. It was one of her specialties after all. They would never know what hit them, or who, they would die either having figured it out; cursing her existence like so many more; or by dying naïve.

That had been her plan, it was so simple, so ordinary and common for her. She had done a similar process time and time again, and though it burdened her someplace in her mind, she had thought nothing of it.

Until now.

Her eyes wandered to the Jolly Roger, flying so proud and blatant on the sails, sporting an odd little yellow straw hat, practically screaming, "We're pirates! Bring it on!" to random passerby, be them marine or enemy pirate. They wandered to the figurehead, such an innocent creature to be on the front of a pirate ship was practically unheard off. Yet the little lamb charged forward in such a rough sea, in a way that baffled her.

She thought back a bit, trying to recall- when had she decided that her normal plan of use-and-run would have to be scraped?

When did her heart lose the ability to watch these people as they met their end?

If they were anyone else, any other group of pirates, she would have taken their boat to the next stop, get off whether it be through killing them herself, leaving them to their deaths or just running. She'd gather information, find another boat to jump on until she reached her goal- the Rio Poneglyph. At this point, she had figured that if it wasn't what she was looking for she'd just give up, let fate take her wherever, if the destination was death, so be it.

Having resolved that this would be her destiny, she searched for the Rio Poneglyph in Alabasta, and failed again. She even had lost her ability to assassinate successfully as she was shown the hard way that it wasn't always so easily- with a sharp hook through the chest.

She had resigned herself to die there. That fate had chosen that underground ruin to be the place of her death. She convinced herself that if she were to die there she would have no regret because it was simply how far she was meant to go, and that she had no right to defy society and continue to live on if her destiny had chosen her to die then.

If only that dumb boy had listened to her, let death take her away like so many had told her to let it, none of this would have happened.

Her heart would have never softened in such a way, a way that got in the way of every plan she had ever made.

This softness allowed her to fall in love with everything.

She loved the late night parties they would have that smelled like sweat and adrenaline, like cola and the sea, like good food and rum and something else oddly comforting.

She loved the way they could be so utterly clueless and carefree yet not completely naïve. They knew the ways of the world, how terrible it could be- she could see it in each of their eyes, even their captain's- and yet did not care. They moved on together with smiles on their faces.

Above all, however-

Robin fell in love with each of their _smiles._

Chopper's. He smiled when he felt wanted and loved, when he felt accepted. He smiled when one of the others would heal well under his care, when they'd get up out of the medical cot and stretch and then go back to their activities after being injured. He smiled at their daily jokes even if he'd seen them all before. He smiled because he was happy.

Sanji's. He smiled when he would see Nami and her, some combination of his love for women and because they were his crewmates. Cooking made him smile, because it was his passion. He smiled when he found something was amusing or when he was bragging. He smiled because he was happy.

Zoro's. He smiled on occasion, when something was particularly amusing. His smiles were very subtle and rare, sometimes sarcastic or cocky. Even Zoro, though, would smile because he was happy.

Usopp's. He smiled when he would tell his outrageous lies because he loved to tell stories and astound people. He smiled when he would invent a new weapon or when something would just _make him laugh_. He also smiled because he was happy.

Nami's. Hers was one that appeared when she was in good humor and could tolerate the antics of the boys. Her smile was one of relief. Sometimes she would be in deep thought, probably thinking of a past that placed weight on her shoulders. She would look around her, remember where she was and see the people around her and the smiles they wore and would smile, thanking whatever force it was that brought her away from all that. Glad to be alive if it meant being by their sides, something Robin had begun to feel and understand in recent days. Nami smiled because she was happy.

Luffy's. His haunted her through its similarity to Saul's, yet comforted her for the same reason. Saul had brought her good memories but those happy memories were surrounded by such tragic ones that if it weren't for Luffy's smile she probably would have dismissed such memories. His held mystery sometimes, she could tell he also held a burden.

His smile sometimes would carry the burden of their lives behind it, his duty as their captain.

At the same time, though, it held a lightness that made no sense in his scenario. The majority of the time, he held a smile not just because he needed to in order to hold the crew together, but also because he _wanted_ to. He smiled because he liked to smile, because he liked to laugh and love, because he genuinely enjoyed life. He was living his dream and despite the burdens he carried because of it he would smile and have fun and not doubt anything. He smiled because he trusted and loved and believed in people and in legendary treasures that held some great mystery, he smiled because he loved _adventure _in its purest form.

He even smiled at her, that same trusting smile that everyone on that little crew had eventually learned to give her. Even if their trust was honestly hesitant, it was there in small quantities. Their subtle love for her was there.

And that was what made _Robin_ smile.

But it was also what tore her apart inside.

When it reached a point that they were creating such a smile from her of all people, she knew something was wrong.

Everything was ruined and she loved it. Yet it made her hate herself all the more because it meant they were in danger.

Her love for them had gotten to a point that she feared everything.

A point that when she looked at the grand scheme of things, she realized she would die for them, die in their place a thousand times over and never regret it. She realized that she could not lose them or she would be broken. She could no longer just follow fate and die whenever if she let them die. If anything were to happen to them, she could no longer die without burdens of regret and guilt. That was no longer a privilege she had because she had allowed herself to love and became attached to them.

Her happiness had become hinged on them and she could no longer escape like she could before. She could no longer run.

She allowed herself to believe for a moment and be given the hopeful notion that she had found her _comrades, _her friends, her companions. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. It was the existence of the rose that she could not stand because she knew it would be trampled like every other blossom before it.

For now, however, Nico Robin would smile, knowing that it couldn't last forever, but still clinging to it desperately for as long as she was able.

And she smiled as another naïve, hopeful thought crossed her mind…

_Maybe, for once, could the devil's child be given what she longed for?_


End file.
